I can’t ask for what I want

Can you imagine what it would be like if you couldn’t ask for what you wanted, what you needed,  communicate how you are feeling , if you needed something, if you were hurting  

NO? That’s exactly what Dodger goes through life every single day 

As parents we have hopes, dreams, expectations for our children. Just imagine if you’re hope and dream was just to have your child be able to look you in the face, to be able to give you a hug, would let it be possible for  you into their world if even for a minute? This is what it is like being a parent of a child who is severely  autistic  

Everything tells you that you didn’t do this to your child, that you didn’t make this happen, but still, I still  think it’s my fault, our fault, even though common sense tells me I’m being an ejit and there is no way I  would ever had let this happen to Dodger if I had known what I know now to be the truth As a man, as a father, you always going to go to bat for your children, but being a Father of an autistic child  takes it to a totally different level 

I am constantly in fear , I am constantly on guard, I am constantly waiting for something to happen, being  on the defense becomes the norm 

When do you get a break, you don’t, you are on duty 24/7 365 days Patrol for the rest off my life. When you become a parent of a child, they say it makes you look at things differently, think about things  differently, act towards things differently, believe me that’s nothing compared to when you have an autistic  child 

These articles ore not meant to come across as feel sorry for me, look what I have to do etc. They are just to  put out there a little something from my perspective, thoughts and feelings as a father and a husband of a  child who has Autism. 

There are loads of stuff what pisses me off. Just two of them are the way we used to get looked at when we  were in public dealing with a situation because Dodger couldn’t express how she was feeling at that time.  You could see in the Looks from people, it said things like, get your kid under control, how spoilt is that  child, a clip around the ear would sort that. The way people look at my child when she flaps because she gets  stimulated and expresses herself in a different way to what a “normal person” does. The way they stare at  her when she makes noises, as if she needs locking up and is a threat. it’s like they’ve come to the zoo and my child is one of the exhibits. well she isn’t and believe me people should start looking inwards you don’t know  my daughter you don’t know us you don’t know our family but what you will know is if you cross a line, that  lion’s Heart of a man , we’re not going to just stand there Idol, feeling ashamed, feeling embarrassed, at  some point we will attack and defend our family.